The splintered wood around her window screams as the wind blows through it. A frozen shiver crawls down her spine while a new numbness spills over the floor boards. She is tired but trudges forward each step leading her to some where she has been before.
The mailbox is full, but the bills still stack up. Pushing everyone away she wishes she could disappear. One pill after the next she swallows the pain, hoping that life would change if she could just change the way she looked. Dreaming of past lovers and a father she never had, her tears stain the pillow case on her bed.
She does not know where she is going and fights the fear it’s this reality she can’t shake. This giant mess of a life filled with mistakes; from one to the next she is looking for an escape.
It was only one evening her night did not go as planned. She woke in a puzzled awkwardness in the back seat of her car. Trying to grab a hold of clarity she looks for her clothes. She knows this place very well but has never felt more alone.
A few weeks pass on and she patiently waits by herself in a dimly lit room that is far from home. Staring at a clock even though she has no where to go. A half hour will pass by before the doctor’s returns to give her the news. The drive home only comparable to a nightmare as the fears finally begins to set in. A galaxy away from where she thought she would be as a kid. Opening her purse she will make her feelings pay. Frantically searching for a razor blade to drive the pain away.
I know its a strange way to say that I care or what you do to yourself matters to me. As a friend or even a stranger I would smash myself if it would help you to not hurt so much. You hate yourself for who you have become but I would give my life for you just to not turn and run. Your more beautiful then you have ever been told and the smile that you hide behind your shallow self worth could transform the world because its pure gold. The potential you have is limitless even if you cant see it today, Your so much more then what you give yourself credit for. My heart goes out to you Jordan.