To fully understand a given situation you must start by removing yourself. As an emotionally detached individual; the very thought of falling in love horrifies me. Comparing the idea alone to being skinned alive and dropped into the middle of the ocean. I soon realize that I don’t have very much of a realistic comparison; especially to that which others may have faced before me. My bones ache at the mere thought of such torment. The idea of flirting with someone who can not hurt you is appealing but lonely. So if you spin the idea around, flirting with someone who can hurt you is like playing with a warm loaded gun; that fits ever so nicely in your hand.
Some have called me a hopeless romantic but, I prefer realist who has lost perspective Can you really blame me? Everyone is familiar with the cliche saying.” Live, learn and love” The secondary application is where I fail the most. Yet, after years of trial and error I look back to see I have not only scratched the surface but broke all the way through. This unseen governing power of attraction finally broke.
Maybe I am preoccupied and, have to many conversations going on inside my head to find others appealing. I think emotionally and physically unavailable make more sense. Retreating from any connection what soever back into my mind as it’s destined to go down in flames. I find myself very much alone; but In an odd way it’s okay. Friends are just there to remind you that your making stupid decisions that you may not see. But, deep down I know my friends are going through the same things as me.
Pushing 4 A.M. my thoughts that once seemed greatly embracing are starting to dwindle. I will conclude this blog this morning and leave it as a 24hour post as its more odd but real post. Thinking of transitioning my journal onto here. Idk, where these ideas are coming from I need sleep, good night everyone. -holeinthefabric
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Love life, breathe deep and before you let go; just know your not alone.