The scars on my arm do not define who I am but, miles from where I came. It’s not a flattering image to think of the skeletons hanging in my closet.  This baggage is just a highlight that will forever follow me, so let me dust off this cover letter.

  When I was young I wanted to be a firefighter who rushed into burning buildings and saved someone with glory. When you turn ten you think you know everything that matters in the world. Until I buried my older brother who’s bashed open head was only held together by stitches and glue.  This was my first run in with death and made me question life. I made my own will that year and wrote down everything I wanted those around me to know.

 If you get beat enough you start to wonder what the difference is in hurting yourself.  Without a really healthy relationship that was not covered by a front..  I spun my webs with whoever made me feel like I mattered the most. It irritates me to the core when people say I love you who I have not talked to in months. I feel expected to say it back but I prefer “Fuck you”. Still raised to be respectful I never could lift my tongue or tell anyone what I really thought. 

Lets skip forward a handful of failed relationships and nearly a decade later.  I took a cleaver to my ten-year old blood pythons head. He bit me for the first time since he was young..  It scared me so much I neglected him for two weeks. Then the temperature monitor on his heat lamp shorted out and burnt him covering his back in oozing blisters. Stuck in an Alaskan village there was not a vet I could take him too.. and I could not get a flight out for a month. 

My dreams are still haunted by all of this and past relationships I could never figure out what went wrong. I never really honestly thought I was great at anything, I just had a lot of half way covered up pitfalls. I found a balance in my writing for my journal that has translated into “holeinthefabric”.   I don’t want to be the guy who runs away or hides all his baggage so I am dusting off some skeletons. I am not looking for anything more than a way to spread my story and provide hope to those who feel lost or alone. My circle has always stayed the same size and all the people who I meet at some point just become part of my history and part of my legacy.

I hit a 100 followers last week and felt blessed that I had achieved my initial goal since I started writing . So thank you for following this crazy random white kid  from Colorado with all of his poor grammar and obscure views. My future direction for “Holeinthefabric” is in the wind, but I wanted to present something that might inspire you even if you have given up on yourself..  I proudly present  “Skeletons“. 


This entry was published on April 20, 2013 at 8:57 pm. It’s filed under Blogging and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.


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